H8te Speech

I posted the following on Facebook today. I am tired of feeling like I have a target on my back and that it's okay to call me a hateful person. We've had a yard sign torn down and an anonymous hateful letter put in our mailbox. I invite intelligent debate, but I don't like people calling me hateful:

As I have continued to engage in dialogue with people regarding Proposition 8, I have become increasingly tired of being vilified and mischaracterized as a hateful person. This shows either gross ignorance of the issues or a deliberate misrepresentation of the facts.

As a people, we each have values. We have different values, or we may have similar values that we weight differently. For instance, we may value life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but not necessarily in that order. That’s all okay. I don’t expect you to have the same values as mine. I expect you to vote your values, and I will vote mine.

In the present case, for me, I completely support the individual rights of a person to make whatever lifestyle choices they wish. I promote individual rights and freedoms. However, when your lifestyle choices interfere with my lifestyle choices, we have a problem, don’t we? Does that make my choices wrong and yours right? Vice versa? Of course not.

The larger issues here are not whether or not homosexuals should be able to marry. If you don’t understand that, you haven’t been listening. There are indisputably issues regarding religious freedom, freedom of speech, parental authority, and education of children. They are indisputable and if you think not, you haven’t been listening or you’re being deliberately obtuse. That doesn’t mean you will agree with one side or the other! How the critically thinking individual will choose to vote on this issue will reflect their own deeply held personal values and the relative weight of those values.

For instance, a person who supports gay marriage may understand the impact that this will have on children in schools but feels that parental rights of how a child will be sexualized and educated on this issue are simply less important than the rights of the homosexual population to marry. Okay! Or perhaps that same person may agree with the parents rights regarding this issue, but feels strongly that churches should be stopped from teaching against homosexuality and therefore that person feels that trumping the religious rights is an important part of voting no on Prop 8 because they understand how it will eventually open the doors to hate speech litigation. Okay, that’s a valid strategy. Or maybe that person just believes that the right of the homosexual population to marry simply trumps all other rights! Okay! These are honest assessments and honest reasons for voting no.

On the other hand, a person who supports traditional marriage may feel strongly that individuals should have equal rights and protections under the law, but feels even more important are the rights of parents to oversee what their children are being taught in schools. Okay! Or perhaps they feel strongly that religious freedoms will be potentially jeopardized, causing individuals and businesses to be forced to actively endorse a lifestyle that they do not believe is morally correct; and therefore this value outweighs the equal rights value. Okay!

Values will have to be examined and weighted to make an informed and conscientious decision. These values may not be inherently wrong or right and it is possible for two tightly held values to be in conflict with each other at times. You can see that there are definite compromises that a thinking individual is going to have to make with regard to this issue. That does NOT make it okay to name call and vilify. That does not make it okay to mischaracterize the issues or to label people. That does not make it okay to be intolerant of other people’s values simply because you think you are espousing the politically correct view. My values are not more important than yours, and yours are no more important than mine. That’s why we live in a democracy where the majority will decide. But in the meantime, while we have this dialogue, let us refrain from “hate speech.” Interesting application of the word isn’t it?

See Andy Grow

Jamie posted photos and videos on her blog: Insert clever blog name here _______

Sunday Night

It's official. I have the cutest grandbaby in the universe. You can see photos posted by his parents here: http://onkenblog.blogspot.com/ Nick and Jamie brought my little Andy over today for us to hug and cuddle. This is the first time he's been to Opa's and Nana's house. We were lucky to have the Dubrow women come over and visit Andrew and they always bring such a special vibrancy to our home. Chelsea and Trenton came over and brought that silly dog Frankie with them.

This next week at work starts the new computer system which means that I will have my own personal "shadow" following me to all my work sites and assisting me as I learn the new software. I'm dreading it. I also realize that I will have to call and cancel with Troy this week and maybe the next since I can't very well expect my shadow to keep my usual Wednesday hours.

School seems to be getting more work intensive every week. This week starts week 8 of the semester which means I'm officially at the half way mark. I enjoy the discussions we have about nursing leadership, but I don't enjoy the health care finance stuff and the business planning. I do hate that school is taking so much of my free time, particularly now when I would rather be spending time with my little baby!

Is is SO HARD . . .

to go to work, or do homework . . . when there is a grandbaby calling for his Nana . . .

Nana Isn't waiting anymore . . .

Intoducing Andrew Nicholas Onken born 10/5/08 weighing 7 lbs. 15 oz.

Puppy Love!

The Business of Being Born!

Thank you Nick and Jamie for telling me about this wonderful film! I was so thrilled to see Ina May Gaskin and Michel Odent in this film. I was thrilled beyond belief to see a documentary that says EVERYTHING that women need to hear about birth and medicine. It talks about everything I used to teach in my childbirth classes. I became a nurse to become a midwife. In the end I left obstetrical nursing because I just felt like it was such a losing battle against the medical model. Yet even so I still feel very passionate these issues and am so thrilled that some people are still carrying the torch. I hope some day that the U.S. will get back on track with the way births are meant to be. We need to take birth away from medicine!! The Business of Being Born a film EVERY WOMAN should see.

Lonely!

Well Martin has been gone since Monday and won't return until Saturday. He's in Las Vegas at an RV convention thingy. He's having a great time. I'm here spending my time reading and writing for school and trying to prepare this Sunday's Relief Society lesson. Yep, that's my new calling - I'm teaching "Teaching for Our Times." Teaching RS was one of my favorite callings so I'm happy to be doing it again and I confess I'm happy for a once a month calling. This Sunday's lesson starts out by referring to the "light of Christ" and I've just totally gone off now on this tangent about what exactly is that light that proceeds from the presence of God and fills everything. If the glory of God is intelligence or in other words light and truth then I reason that light is intelligence from the presence of God. My ideas are half formed but moving in that direction and I'm interested to see exactly where it takes me. Go ahead and chime in if you have thoughts about it.

So, school. It's a lot of work. It is also mostly thus far about healthcare as an enterprise and that is not really a subject I am particularly interested in, however as I participate in these discussions, it certainly becomes slightly more interesting. Still, while I see the value of having this information instilled in doctorally prepared nurse practitioners, I don't particularly see the value of having it instilled in ME. I'm taking it one semester at a time. But I will say that there are other things that I should be doing: like exercising, and quilting, that are sitting on the back burner.

Speaking of quilting, I received an email from Mary Lou. She wants ALL of my storyquilts for the next book (no, I'm not being singled out for honors, she's asking all the "Asilomar" quilters for their storyquilts.) I need to fill out release forms. I've written to Rich Wyler to see if he's willing to share Might Marie (aka Marie the Mighty) and I'll need to ask Carolyn if she'll share Sailing On. Natalie and Chelsea I hope you'll shareI Do It and I am Not a Wimp as well. She also wants Puppy Love, but I haven't quite finished it. Nana In Waitingkind of pulled me off that track and now I need to get back on it to finish it in the next couple of weeks. And I haven't even thought about the TWO quilt ideas I have for my soon to be born grandson!

And speaking of grandsons, I told Nick the other day that if he calls people, the first words out of his mouth must be "no she isn't in labor" before he can go one because everyone will be waiting for THE call and me personally will be holding my breath until he gets to the point!! And of course neither he nor Jamie should go anywhere without a cell phone which they can immediately answer, or people will be calling Cedars-Sinai. But seriously Nick, it isn't that I'm not thrilled for your upcoming interview in Boston for the New England College of Optometry. Well, let me say not totally thrilled because I don't want you moving there. But thrilled for the honor of it :) (I know you are thinking exasperatedly "MOMS!"}

Carolyn: Haven't heard from her in two weeks and I'm worried. She's probably out of town and somehow that fact escaped me. But I'm still worried. I've emailed and telephoned. This makes me aware that I have no other contact information for her. When I finally do hear from her, I will ask her for a name and number.

Work is another subject and speaking of it now, I realize I'm going to be late so I better end here. Just know that I'll be meeting with another NP from the Ventura area who might have a job proposal for me and I just might be thinking about it . . .

9/11

I was just reading Heather Johnson's blog entry about September 11th and it really stirred up my memories of that day and the days that followed. While I am certainly not as eloquent, I will write what I remember: I was sleeping and the phone rang. It was Natalie calling me from Logan, Utah and saying "Mom, are you awake? Turn on the TV, someone has just attacked the Pentagon!" I asked her "Are we at war?" and she replied "I think maybe so." It absolutely terrified me. When I turned on the TV, I couldn't make sense of the images and stories. News people were all excited, there were images of the Twin Towers, there was fire and smoke and I couldn't really comprehend it. Where was the Pentagon? What were they saying? What was happening? I don't know how many minutes I sat there before my mind began to make some kind of sense of the images and sounds, and even then I could not comprehend it. And I couldn't leave the television. I was glued to it. All I could think about was my son was in a foreign country (Venezuela) and my daughter was in Utah, and it appeared that something horrific was occurring. It was much worse than the Oklahoma City bombing, whatever it was, and that had been awful. The nurse in me wanted to DO something, but I couldn't imagine what that would be. Some of the most enduring and terrifying images for me over the next days, weren't of the rubble, but of the lines of gurneys and waiting hospital personnel and NO PATIENTS!!

But I agree with the marine Heather quotes in her blog. The most amazing memory of all came the next day, and the weeks and months following that. The incredible rush of patriotism, the American flag flying everywhere, the immediate sense of community. Everywhere I went, everyone I spoke with or interacted with was simply kinder, gentler, almost reverent. Not just people in my classes or at church, but the guy at the drive through window at McDonalds, the people driving on the freeways, EVERYONE! The shared grief made us value each other more as Americans and as human beings. There was love in the air. It came from each of us and from all over the world. This is a lesson I wish had not dimmed from our memories so quickly.

Washington DC

Even though I was only gone for 4 days, it feels like I was gone for a week! The trip there was uneventful. I made it through the mass transit system fairly easily and checked into my really charming hotel that turned out to be just a few minutes walk from the Metro station and from the Hospital and classrooms I would be visiting. I was able to meet up with a few people from the group for "dinner and drinks" and get to know some of my new classmates. I met a woman from Long Beach, she teaches nursing at UCI. The following morning we met the entire group and the administrators of the program. Orientation was pretty much like every orientation, 2 parts boring, 1 part useful. The best part of the entire three days was meeting and beginning friendships with the other people in the cohort. There was another woman from this area, Diane, who lives in Canyon Country and is also a grad from the CSUN program! I really liked her and I'm glad I will have someone fairly nearby to commiserate with me. There were two young men from Utah in the group and while I didn't really get a chance to meet them, at least one of them I feel fairly certain is LDS. There were lots of really great people, a super fun gal from Austin, some great gals from NY, etc., and I am looking forward to getting to know them better. On Tuesday night I met up with Judy Witkin who is living in DC now. We got to have dinner together and it was nice catching up with her.

My trip home was lengthy (10 hours) but uneventful. When I first got to the airport, there was another woman from my cohort there and we were able to have lunch together which was very nice. Her name is Mary-Michael. I love that name! She used to live in La Jolla but she's now local to the DC area.

During this whole trip I managed to completely read the first two books of that vampire series Twilight. They are just so much fluff but kind of fun to read and amazingly speedy. So now I must finish the series very quickly before school starts next week.

And that brings me to the UGH factor, as in "Ugh, what have I gotten myself into?" Lots of work. We'll see!!

Nana In Waiting - a Short Story

A real "journal" entry - where is Mary Bartholomay?

There are lots of reasons I have for not being a journal writer. First, I’m not a good historian. I remember the overall impressions and emotions of events in my life, but rarely get all the facts right. Plus I’ve discovered over the years that memories are actually pretty plastic. The more often you retrieve them, the more altered they seem to become. Second, writing about myself seems so self-indulgent. My internal dialog is of course interesting, articulate and insightful – that is, until I put it down on paper. Then it’s just trite. And I’m hardly interested in reading about someone else’s daily laundry list of life so why would I bother to write my own down? I feel that way about therapy. I went to a therapist a couple of times. Talking about myself was incredibly boring and the more you talk about things, the more dangerously close to whining it becomes. Third and last I suppose is the time commitment. I’d rather be reading or sewing or SOMETHING!

So having said this, I thought I write a true journal entry. And remember what I said about memory and history and emotions. I can only write down the things as I remember them and the impressions or feelings I had at the time. I’m going to write about my friend Mary Bartholomay.

Right before I met Martin, I got hired as a legal secretary for a firm in Century City. There I met a young woman, probably just a year or two older than myself, who was working as a receptionist/office clerk. Her name was Mary Bartholomay. She was taller than me had big blue eyes and had a great mane of curly hair. I have often had good friends in my life with great masses of curly hair. I must be attracted to them for some reason. Or maybe people with hair like that are just more interesting. Anyway she wore cotton Indian dresses, walked at a fast lope everywhere and was incredibly well spoken and well educated. She was working on her masters in art history at UCLA. She lived in Venice, was originally from Northern California and seemed to be living a fairly bohemian lifestyle in that I mean she had few material goods and talked about things like chakras and literature. I think she came from old money (I remember something about her mother owning an island off of Yugoslavia? I swear I remember something like that) and like people who have had money in the past; she knew how to luxuriate in her impoverishment as a lifestyle statement. But heck, we were all impoverished and she was a starving student. I was in awe of her. She was funny, insightful and quick. I was impressed by her education and intelligence. She was my friend when I started dating Martin and I remember telling her about this “perfect man.” I asked her to be in the wedding and she declined due to the expense involved, but she came to the wedding and reception. I have pictures of her at the reception. She came to the little house in Calabasas and hung out with me on my birthday one year as a present to me. She worked at the Getty for awhile. A few years later when she was living in New York, she invited me out to spend some time with her for my birthday and so I went, taking a 4 month old Skyler with me. She had a cute little apartment in New Jersey and across the street was an Italian deli where I first tasted fresh buffalo mozzarella. She taught me about auras. While she worked, Skyler and I toured the city. It was a wonderful trip. Mary and I talked from time to time on the phone, she would call from New York. She was always working on her education and trying to decide on her next career move.

One day I got a letter in the mail from her. She was angry with me. She was breaking off our friendship. As I remember it, she said I had been insensitive of her aspirations and plans. I honestly did not remember the conversation she referred to. I still don’t. I was probably insensitive just as she says. I was up to my eyeballs in small children and fairly self-absorbed by nature. Not that I like to admit that self-absorption, but I suppose I’m not as bad as some and worse than others. I was oblivious. But I know I didn’t mean it and never intended to hurt her. I was just devastated. I tried to write her back. The letter had come from California so I knew she had gone back to live with her sister or something. I tried writing back but I don’t know that she ever received it.

Over the years I have thought of her and wondered how she was and where she was. With the advent of the internet, I’ve periodically typed in her name. It’s unusual enough that I don’t get a lot of hits. Until just a few weeks ago. And suddenly, in the strangest of places, I pull up her name on FACEBOOK!! Mary isn’t really a “Facebook” kind of gal, but yep, even without a photo, I just KNOW it is her. So with heart pounding, I send the friend request. And . . . she accepts it! I get excited. I wait a day or two and then write on her wall something like “I’d love to catch up with you” and then I wait. But she doesn’t write back. And sure enough in about a week or so, she drops off of Facebook altogether.

To this day I miss her. I feel terrible that our friendship ended badly and feel sad for whatever I did. I sometimes think that growing up as a military brat and moving constantly, always having these truncated relationships, that maybe I don’t really know how to maintain a long friendship. I have long friendships, but sometimes I think I should maintain them better and pay more attention to them. I have good friends but I don’t know that I AM a good friend. But I’d sure like a chance to be friends with Mary again.

That's the end of my journal entry. Maybe I'll try it again another time :)

August 14th

Okay, so I haven't posted anything in awhile. What's news? Not a lot. Jamie's shower was fun and well attended, and she raked in the bootie. My grandson will be well equipped. I can't wait to go clothes shopping for him, but I'm going to wait until he's here. Work has been busy, busy and I am not complaining. I am getting home later than usual and I'm tired at the end of the day, BUT I love feeling busy and useful and like I'm making a difference. I love feeling better and better about my ability to perform in my role.

Tonight I went to dinner with Lisa Hanson and I always love spending time with her. She really is my best friend and I forget sometimes that I need to spend time just hanging out with her and talking. It's so easy to let busy life get in the way of friendship. And then Lisa had the wonderful idea of going to visit Del Pike (she is so thoughtful that way) - we went and spent an hour just chatting with Del. Another fabulous woman who is very dear to me. Del is doing well so far, staying busy. But I know she will have plenty of adjusting to do over this next year or so.

I am getting closer and closer to my DC trip and I'm both excited and nervous. Nervous that I've bitten off more than I WANT to chew, but excited to go back to school.

One of the things Lisa and I talked about is the iPhone. She wants one and I encouraged her. I want one but have plenty of reasons NOT to get one. But I know I want one. Lynda loves hers and soon Lisa will have one and then I'll have gadget envy! LOL!!!

Nick, we got to talk about your great art work tonight. Del was commenting on the butterflies from Buena Vista and I got to brag to her than YOU designed the logo!! She was so pleased to hear that and so was Lisa.

Prego pictures

I took these pictures last night and already have gotten them back! They turned out really cute.
Go to her website http://www.bluelilyphotography.com/index2.php and the password under clients is Jamie

August

Well, I still haven't persuaded anyone else to post here, but thought I'd post again anyway. Skyler is in Las Vegas at his Black Hat convention and I'm glad he arrived safely. I'll be looking forward to his return and the full report. I'm sure he's having a ball! Sunday was a lot of fun having the Dubrows over and meeting Alicia. I thought Alicia was delightful! Good job Skyler.

I'm working on my "short story" quilt, and I'm so excited about it that I've put aside finishing Puppy Love. But I'm sure I'll be finished with Puppy Love before you know it. I might just get the short story all set up and then take it with me as a project to DC when I go in a few weeks. Although I have been thinking about taking the Twilight series of books with me as a light read.

Lots of fun stuff coming up this month: Jamie's shower, then her birthday, then Chelsea's birthday! Chels and Trent speaking in sacrament meeting, unfortunately the Sunday I'll be flying to DC :( I'm going to make them rehearse it in front of me on Saturday. And don't we have something already going on that Saturday? There's also a ward campout that Friday (the 22d). And I'm not entirely sure when Skyler has to head back up to Idaho but I know it'll be here before I blink.

We all must keep Natalie in our prayers that she finds a way to get her rent paid and that she can find a better job.

sleeping?

Ack! I really hate when my insomnia kicks in. It's almost 2 in the morning, Tuesday July 29th. Hard to believe this month is almost over. Skyler is home and it's great to have him here. Still trying to figure out if and when we get to meet the famous Alicia :)

My weekend in Long Beach/Anaheim was wonderful. I don't know that any of the quilts I saw were that inspiring - they were all lovely, but most of them were very "artsy fartsy" and nothing that inspired me to do something similar. I guess it comes down to what you find interesting or challenging about quilting. For me, while I can appreciate something painted on a piece of fabric beautifully and then quilting it . . . there's no real challenge there. It is much more interesting when someone takes fabrics designed and produced commercially and then uses that fabric to create new and interesting designs. That takes a special eye and a special way of looking at things - to make the ordinary more than what it is. I particularly like when a quilt takes a traditional block or concept and then puts a new contemporary spin on it, using color, value and technique to create something unique. So while I appreciate things that result from computer programs, painting, and embellishing with threads, when that is ALL there is to the quilt, it somehow just doesn't inspire me. I did see a small whole cloth piece that was beautifully hand quilted. I have to say that in spite of my definition above, when the quilting alone creates the art, that is beautiful to me as well. I understand that each person has their own individual relationship to the quilt and to the art. For me, it's in the process. I don't even care that much about actually owning the quilts because for me the challenge is in the process of making it. A quilt represents more than the hundreds of dollars in materials and hours and hours of time that goes into it because it's a way of trying to capture an idea and a feeling. I only wish that my quilts would come out looking the way I see them in my head!

I am delighted to report that, thanks to Lynda, I got excited about a wedding quilt design for Chelsea and Trenton AND I got the top completed. It will probably be awhile before it is quilted. It's much too big for me to quilt it and I will undoubtedly be on a long wait list for a longarm quilter. I want to send it to Bonnie Hunter in So. Carolina. She did Nick's graduation quilt and does beautiful work. The quilter in Iowa that I like isn't really quilting much anymore. There aren't a lot of people you can trust with a quilt so it's worth it to wait the time and spend the money for someone who will do a good job. The other good news (to me anyway) is that I have an idea for TWO quilts for my soon to come grandson. They are still in my head however, although I have the fabric for one of them. In other quilting news, I got an email from Mary Lou Weidman asking if I would be willing to create a very small storyquilt for a chapter in one of her new books. I have to complete it by October 10th, which is just around the corner so I have to think about it and feel the inspiration. The theme is "short stories" . . . I might do something about becoming a grandmother. I'm still thinking about it.

So besides sewing I also spent money at the quilt show. I bought a cool new thing for hanging quilts up, I bought some fabric, a new large cutting mat, some cool quilting threads, and a few other neat things. All in all, a good time!

On other topics: I'd like to plan a dinner here Friday night! This is a belated birthday dinner for Skyler. What shall we have? I want to keep it simple. And we need to invite the Dubrows. I'm accepting menu suggestions!

Ugh!

I'm on call today. Not such a big deal really because I just have to answer pages. I guess I'll go upstairs, work on Puppy Love and listen to King Dork which I've just about finished. The weather is awesome - overcast and cool. It'll probably burn off but right now I love it.

Brother Pike's funeral was nice. I saw Shayla Menzie from a distance. Lots of old faces. But because I was working, I didn't get to hang around. Sister Pike looked peaceful but I'm sure she's going to feel very lost once all her kids go back to their lives.

Today Skyler is off on his road trip - first to Seattle, then Vancouver, then down to Midden, NV (home of ALICIA!) then over to Santa Cruz before home. We'll be lucky to see him by the end of the week!

Lynda Carswell and I are supposed to go to the Long Beach Quilt Festival next weekend and make a long weekend out of it. I haven't heard from her in the last few weeks so I'm not sure if we're still on. If not, I will probably get to go to Ellie's birthday party.

Sunday

Ken Pike died yesterday. Dad and I got home yesterday afternoon from running errands to a message from Del. I was sad to hear the news. I wonder how Del will do. She's a strong and practical woman, but I know from my own experience with losing my Dad that, even though you think you've done all your grieving for losing the person to Alzheimers, when they actually die, it's still a blow. And for someone who has been caregiving as she has, I imagine it will be doubly hard. The Pikes have always been there as a steadfast part of living in Calabasas and being members of the Calabasas Ward. I have memories of Del coming to bring me a baked chicken when I had a broken ankle and two tiny children at home. I have memories of her being the Primary President when my children were small. Del and I were visiting teaching companions for a long time. I remember Ken just deciding to take my car and fix the brakes on it. I don't know how he knew I needed it or why he decided to do it, but I will never forget that. Simple, down to earth people. I am grateful to have known Ken and grateful for the friendship I have with Del.

I've been getting a bit of quilting done . . . not a whole lot, but some. I have been slowly working on Puppy Love. When I've finished the quilting there will still be some embellishing work and I'm not that good at that. I want to put eyes and a collar tag on Scooter and eyes on the teddy bear as well as some kind of laces or something on the shoe.

So am I the only one posting on this blog? Is anyone actually even reading it? We can't be THAT boring of a family, can we? I'll be glad when Skyler gets home next week to spice things up. I would like us to have a family dinner and celebrate Skyler's birthday. It will probably have to be during the week because I think the weekends are booked up. Suggestions please????

The 4th

Dad and I went to Santa Barbara for the 4th. We decided not to take an RV since it was just the two of us and Scooter. The weather was fabulous. We rented one of the surreys and pedaled around the bike path with Scooter in the front seat. We walked down State Street and I bought a really cute purse. Scooter fell into one of the street side fountains (with help from Dad) and looked like a drowned rat for awhile. Then we ate on the pier and found a bit of grass to pitch our chairs on and sat and waited for the fireworks. After about 8 minutes of fireworks, they stopped. Just stopped. We waited and waited and finally people started leaving and we did, too. We were about half way to the car when they got them working again and we got to see the rest of the spectacular from the street corner. It was as terrific as it always is. We're planning next year to go up the day before, camp in the RV and then park it and set up a BBQ area like so many other people do. We were surprised at how many people rope off HUGE areas for their picnic area. I guess it's squatters rights! Anyway we think it might be a lot of fun and maybe bring up our own bikes and stuff.

Scooter is still recovering. :)

Date Night in Rexford