Midweek already

I didn't get as much accomplished study wise on Monday as I had hoped. Yesterday I spent the entire day at school. But I did finally begin to feel enough interest to finally get on with my coursework. So of course now I also feel stressed! I also feel guilty that I haven't put in a single day at Vitas in maybe almost a month now. They probably wonder if I fell off the planet. The problem is that I think if I start adding Vitas days, I'll feel very overwhelmed and I'm trying to avoid that.

I'm trying to adjust to the idea that Skyler is going to be leaving us this weekend. I was thinking what a great adventure this would be for him, but now I'm just thinking how much I'm going to miss him and how not a good idea it was to encourage him to leave so close to when he's going to have to leave for two years anyway. I get all excited for my kids to have these great life experiences and forget what it's going to mean for me until the last minute and then want to say "no, you can't leave me!" I guess that's what happens when you enjoy your kids' company. It's hard being a mom and watching your kids grow away from you even when you know it's all good stuff.

I don't think I mentioned that Carolyn P. has been incommunicado for the past week because something was wrong with her Mac. She has NO computer skills at all. She got someone to come over and help her and I got an email from her last night. Yippee! I was missing her even though I did talk to her on the phone about three times since it happened. It was just the idea that she wasn't there at the end of the computer line. I worry about her all the time. I can feel that she just struggles through her days missing Don and not sure that she has a purpose anymore. Chatting her up through emails is the best way I can support her right now as she goes through this. And to top it off of course I worry about Marie constantly. I am trying to have faith in the many blessings she has had that she will raise her children, but her disease progress is very discouraging and I can't help but think what does it mean that she will "raise her children?" She's managed to eke out many more years then originally predicted. I am so worried that I will lose her before this year is out. And the world would definitely be a duller place for not having Marie in it.

Geez, enough with the depressing subjects. Can you see my theme of loss here? I must be feeling sorry for myself. Today is my "late" day at school so I don't have to go in until noon. Of course unfortunately that means I get home late, too. I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I think I'm going to go over and join the community gym that Chelsea belongs to since my three months at Stay Fit is about to expire. Do you think I can talk Dad into it, too?