wonderful husband

nick, you are not annoying. you are very handsome, smart, and wonderful in every way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

annoying husband

IIIIIIII LL OOOO V V EEEEEE
II LL O O V V EE
II LL O O V V EEEEE nick.
II LL O O V V EE
IIIIIIII LLLLLL OOOO V EEEEEE
even though he plays the air drums and LAME computer games.

Mostly for Skyler

So today the SBC repair guy came to the house. He couldn't find anything wrong inside the house, no shorts, nothing. Then he went outside to check outside and said there was definitely something wrong with the "capitance" (which I actually knew what that word meant!). Anyway he said that could be causing the problem and that he could fix it by putting in a "splitter" which would also eliminate the need for filters in the house. It cost a total of $95. ($35 for the splitter). He's pretty sure it should fix the problem but if not, he said to call him personally on his pager and he would arrange for a visit in the evening from a repair guy that works in the evenings (since that is when our problems usually occur.) He also said there is something really bogus about our phone wiring. Something about a wire that runs up and over the roof to the upstairs phone? Does that make any sense to anyone??? There's something vaguely familiar about it. I'm very excited that our DSL problems are finally fixed. It's been a frustrating year.

I went to the community gym today for the first time. It's pretty busy there but I did 30 min. on the treadmill and used a few machines. It's not quite a lovely as Stay Fit but it's a good deal. I wish Chelsea and I had thought of doing it together sooner since a whole family membership is $66.00 and since I'm paying $40 and she pays $26, we could have gotten privileges for Dad and Skyler when he's here for free. Maybe we'll revisit that in 6 months?

Temple baptisms tonight. I'm looking forward to going. Skyler, you never said anything about your visit with your new bishop?? Emily's dad called here the other day to invite you and Dad to the Father-Son's campout. I told him you were Hawaii with his daughter and that she was being very sweet to you.

Love mom
PS did you get the package I sent with the book and wire?

5 weeks down, 5 to go

I attended an open house at the Dean's home. She has this amazing place way up in Brentwood that actually looks down onto the Schwartzenegger compound. We all did a cheer for Arnold. I received a $1,000 scholarship. Yeah me! I'm going to write a thank you note. Cleo, our neighbor, was there. She's so nice. I'm thinking it might be cool to have her as a preceptor in one of my rotations next year.

Dad told me that Clayton was in a car accident. I guess he got pretty banged up. Here's an opportunity for the ward to love him back into the fold. Skyler, I know it must be hard to be far away from him right now. We'll take care of him.

I have a big pharmacology exam next Tuesday. Keep me in your prayers while I study!

Love mom

i'm confused

i just did another blog because i didn't see my first one. and Debi i finally just saw it when i went to archives, so the new page doesn't even show up on my computer.help me!

I just found round trip tickets for $403 for Venezuela!!!!! Oh, for those of you who don't know we are going to VENEZUELA!!!!!! We are very excited. Debi, you two better still be going with us. I've also found some very helpful websites.And while our power was out for 18 hours last night we went to Barnes and Nobel and got a travel guide to Venezuela, and it seems to be very helpful. I've tried not to do to much planing already but i can't help it!
Well i hope you all have had good day. Personaly for me i am very happy for the day to be over. It has just been one of those days when nothing goes right. But thats ok, i have American Idol to look forward to. I will probably stay online and keep on looking for good sites on Venezuela.(nick doesn't get home until 10:30)
Well hope you all have a good night!
Jamie
p.s.
the other day i ran over a duck. isn't that sad:( (i thought skyler would like that.)

Color of Love

I guess we all know there is no correct answer to this question: "What is the color of Love?"

A close friend of ours (to remain unnamed) was asked this very question recently and replied: The color of love is Black! When asked to explain this seemingly odd choice, they (aha, thought I was going to give away the gender of this close friend, didn't you!) replied: "It is because black is all colors mixed together." Technically right, I guess, but somehow lacking.

As for me the color of love is...........................always changing. It has been the twinjkling color of Debi's eyes when I picked her up for dates when we were courting so many years ago. It has been the color of her skin when she held our first born for the first time at Hollywood Pres Hospital (as I was melting to the floor, amost fainting from the birthing experience). It has also been the color of Nick's smile, large, happy and friendly. Once or twice it has been wet, like the tears of dissapoinbtment on Nat's dusty cheeks after one lousy goal is scored, while 9,999 werre blocked. Often it is the color of Chelsea's cheeks when she laughs, so full of life, at one of our simple jokes. Recently it has been dyed into red, or black or brown, in Chelsea's ever changing hair, applied gently, artfully, and affectionately by her new siter-in-law. And the color of love has also been the stars in my eyes after Skyler had me in a titanium-like headlock for seemingly hours, taunting me all the while.

Wouldn't it be boring if love was just one color?

Love with all colors,
Dad

Monday Morning

First the good news, no I mean GREAT news. I did not flunk the test! I got a B. I would have been delighted with a C. I knew I had performed poorly, so I'm grateful that it was not as poorly as I had thought. If I pass this class with a B it will be enough.

Second, last time I babysat my grandcat, I lost one of the little matruschka dolls for almost a year. Dad found it inside his closet. Guess what is missing again as of yesterday morning? That Dakota is a rascal. And I think she likes to get into cupboards because I keep hearing all these doors opening and closing and when I came down this morning, the door on the china hutch in the front room was open.

Skyler, POST!!!! Chelsea, you too.

And this to my 103 year old adopted child from Bahrain - wash your socks!

The phone company is supposed to fix our DSL today. They say that they can see there's a problem with the line (finally!) and it's supposed to be fixed by 6 p.m. tonight. Or maybe they're just supposed to have looked at it by 6. Whichever. All I know is that I am now hooked up to the internet via dial up and that is slow as molasses in January.

I have more studying to do today, plus I have to go to the grocery store and buy some diet food and I think I'm going to go get a membership to the Community Center gym.

Love, mom
P.S. I'm changing my name on this thing. Marie says I can be queen of anything I want so since Deborah means the bee, I'm going to be Queen Bee until I think of something else I want to be queen of.

Saturday is a special day . . .

So instead of studying, I've been goofing off on the web. Found two cool services. One called Flicker (www.flickr.com) allows you to upload your photos instantly from your camera phone and will post them instantly to the blog. It also allows tagging. I think it seems much cooler than similar stuff around. I think it's a Yahoo Beta program. Also I read an article in Business Week about "social bookmarking" and so I found the referenced site/developer. Basically it lets you put your own labels on web sites you find so that you can find them again in contexts that make sense to you. Since it's public, others can contribute to those tags and eventually you'll have a whole new way of searching within context. Hard to explain but I think it's a great idea. http://del.icio.us/doc/about. I also like the idea of having my bookmarks on line so I can view them from wherever I am in the world so to speak. And on another trivial matter: does everyone like the polka dots? I was thinking about changing the blog template but I'd have to fiddle with it to keep my customizations. I think I made everyone an "administrator" so you can check under "settings" and see if there's a template you like better.

Yesterday was a clinical day, the last over at Motion Picture Home. Next week I will be at the VA in West LA. I still don't have a grade on that exam that I'm sure I bombed. But I finished the take home exam in pharmacology and I feel really good about my grasp of that information. I need to make flashcards though to memorize drug names. Today I have to do my eLogs (records of my clinical experience) and work on a case study.

Last night dad and I went out for sushi and then to see The Upside of Anger which I found to be a very interesting movie. I also watched The Stepford Wives (the new version) when dad was gone and enjoyed it immensely. The first Stepford Wives with Katherine Ross was sooooo creepy that I've never forgotten it. The new one is much more tongue in cheek and has a great twist at the end. I think whoever did the new one must have been bothered by the old one just like me!

Natalie, Chelsea and I had a lovely dinner together Wednesday night while dad was gone and then Thursday Natalie brought Dakota over for me to babysit. She also brought me an early Mother's Day gift - thanks Natalie! I love it. Skyler and I have chatted a bit on line. He STILL isn't publishing much on the blog . . . HINT HINT! He sounds like he's having a good time though.

I'm looking forward to hearing how Nick's campout and Natalie's trip to San Francisco went. Break the fast on Sunday!!

Midweek blahs

In an effort to cheer myself up (since I totally bombed yesterday's exam and now I think I'm going to flunk out of grad school) I checked out my Secret Superhero Identity on my humorscope and here's what it said:

Your Superhero Identity For Today Is:


Name: Barbarella
Secret Identity: Deborah Onken
Special Power: Flight
Transportation: Shamu the Elephant
Weapon: Psionic Grenade
Costume: Spandex Pajamas
Sidekick: Festus
Nemesis: Tim the Elder
Tragic Flaw: Addicted to sugar
Favorite Food: Clam Chowder


I suppose only Dad will appreciate the reference to "Barbarella". One of the worst movies ever, but funny considering it was Jane Fonda. Can't you see me in those spandex pajamas riding my elephant? Actually I could totally be Barbarella except for one thing: I really hate clam chowder.

Okay Festus, let's blow this joint. School at noon.

Love, mom <---- all alone today with Dad out of town till tomorrow

Chelsea's Birthday ideas

Chelsea's birthday is coming up in a few months. Any ideas for a present or for an event since it is her 21st?

OH, I hope she doen't read this!!!! I would be soo imbarrassed! Let's talk secretly among ourselves.

LOVE,
natrockinquitiebisimodeb

the color of love

I don't really think of one color. I would say that love is more like a rainbow rather than just one color.
Jamie

Sunday

I stayed home from church today to study. I've never done that before that I can remember. I am still having transient little pains in my stomach . . . nothing terrible. I am studying material that I just do not seem to be able to comprehend. I'm worried about how I will do on the exam. This stuff seems too difficult for me. I'm sad that Skyler is leaving. He seems a bit nervous. I think he is sad, too. But I am sure he's also excited because afterall how cool is it to go to Hawaii for school?!?! I had a great time at dinner last night. I love when we are all together. And Natalie, you stayed a long time in spite of all the driving you had to do and the cold you have. I can tell you are starting to feel better down deep. You have more of your old self back I think. It was nice seeing Mary, too. I hope you decide to stick it out here instead of going up north. Either find another job down here or wait it out with Vitas. I'm thinking that finding a job out in Ventura County might be a good idea because you might find a nice apartment out there that you can afford. Chelsea, you are awesome. I know things are really uncomfortable right now for you, but you really show a lot of class. I'm proud of you. Road show was really a lot of fun. Westlake Rules!

I have no idea what color love is. The more I've thought about it, the more I think it's kind of an odd question. Martin, what do you think it is? I think maybe it is opalescent . . . kind of carrying the potential of lots of different colors at any time. I can think of times that love is red or green or yellow or blue. So I pick opalescent. Ha!

Back to the books. :)

Color of Love

I had a very interesting conversation with a YSA recently. We discussed the questions: "What is the color of love? And why would you pick that color?" Anybody have any comments?

Sat morning...at work till noon or so. Miss you all. See ya at RS (not Relief Society) tonight.

Love,
You know who

Finally Friday

Yesterday when I was supposed to be studying for a test I have coming up and preparing for clinicals for today, I spent most of the day (about 8.5 hours) in the ER at Los Robles. I had a sandwich at Subway and then within half and hour after eating it, I was in such pain that I asked Dad to come home and take me to the hospital. We got home around 10:30 p.m. I felt crampy this morning but after a few hours felt well enough to go to clinical. Now I'm home feeling a little washed out but still doing okay. I had no idea that food poisoning could be so painful. That was nasty. I'm grateful that Dad and Tarrick gave me a blessing.

Natalie, I can understand how you are feeling kind of in a rut and not moving forward. I'm not sure that the right answer is to pick up and move. Of course Nick is right, we would miss you terribly. But mostly I think that sometimes we are tempted to just change everything in an effort to "start over" when in reality all the things that aren't working in our lives just follow us wherever we go. Usually it's because the things that aren't working for us are generated from within us. So I would say that you should really think hard about what your real motivations are for moving (not just change for change's sake), really look at the concrete measurable pros and cons (which it looks like you have started doing be researching living expenses and schools), and fast and pray about it. I don't want you to move because I can't stand the idea of you being far away from the family. And don't forget that Dad and I have offered to help you out for school. And you would definitely qualify for some grant money so there's that, too. But I know you need to make this decision on your own. (don't go, don't go, don't go . . . ;P)

I think Skyler is having some kind of goodbye dinner tonight. Clayton called about it. Maybe we should all plan something for the family Saturday night? I know it's road show. Maybe dinner before or after? What say you all?

Love mom

FEEL BETTER, MOM!

Don't scare us like that anymore, mom. Geeze. :P

It's great having Jamie back. She's looking better than ever.

Natalie: But we'll miss you if you go up north! I hear SF is pretty pricey, too. It was good hearing you on the phone last night, even if you didn't feel too hot.

Chelsea: NY? That's awesome. Have fun. How long will you be gone?

Dad: It's great to see that you and Nat had such a good time. Looks like Natalie's on indonesian food withdrawl. Can't blame her!

Sky: uhh... do the dishes and take out the trash!

We'll see you guys at the Rhode Sheaux!

Nick and Jamie

Midweek already

I didn't get as much accomplished study wise on Monday as I had hoped. Yesterday I spent the entire day at school. But I did finally begin to feel enough interest to finally get on with my coursework. So of course now I also feel stressed! I also feel guilty that I haven't put in a single day at Vitas in maybe almost a month now. They probably wonder if I fell off the planet. The problem is that I think if I start adding Vitas days, I'll feel very overwhelmed and I'm trying to avoid that.

I'm trying to adjust to the idea that Skyler is going to be leaving us this weekend. I was thinking what a great adventure this would be for him, but now I'm just thinking how much I'm going to miss him and how not a good idea it was to encourage him to leave so close to when he's going to have to leave for two years anyway. I get all excited for my kids to have these great life experiences and forget what it's going to mean for me until the last minute and then want to say "no, you can't leave me!" I guess that's what happens when you enjoy your kids' company. It's hard being a mom and watching your kids grow away from you even when you know it's all good stuff.

I don't think I mentioned that Carolyn P. has been incommunicado for the past week because something was wrong with her Mac. She has NO computer skills at all. She got someone to come over and help her and I got an email from her last night. Yippee! I was missing her even though I did talk to her on the phone about three times since it happened. It was just the idea that she wasn't there at the end of the computer line. I worry about her all the time. I can feel that she just struggles through her days missing Don and not sure that she has a purpose anymore. Chatting her up through emails is the best way I can support her right now as she goes through this. And to top it off of course I worry about Marie constantly. I am trying to have faith in the many blessings she has had that she will raise her children, but her disease progress is very discouraging and I can't help but think what does it mean that she will "raise her children?" She's managed to eke out many more years then originally predicted. I am so worried that I will lose her before this year is out. And the world would definitely be a duller place for not having Marie in it.

Geez, enough with the depressing subjects. Can you see my theme of loss here? I must be feeling sorry for myself. Today is my "late" day at school so I don't have to go in until noon. Of course unfortunately that means I get home late, too. I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I think I'm going to go over and join the community gym that Chelsea belongs to since my three months at Stay Fit is about to expire. Do you think I can talk Dad into it, too?

Weekend with OMA

Last weekend in Las Vegas with Oma & Natalie was great. I picked Natalie up about 5:30am Satuday, and we zipped into Oma's complex about 10:30am, no problems. Oma was so happy to see us. There is a new spirit to her welcomes, I can't quite describe it. Maybe it's like I feel when I go there to visit, a comfort and familiarity that only comes when being away from family for a while. I can only imagine what similar reunions in heaven are like. WOW! It's nice to know that I can do for Oma what she did for me for so many years.

The food. Great as ever. Even though my tastebuds are not as sharp as they were when I was young, The familiar tastes and smells kept me hungry even when I was full. Besides the lumpers & croquets (I brought some home to share) Oma made that great chicken in butter with potatoe flakes I love but cannot duplicate. Oma taught Natalie to make cheese balls, which we forgot to bring home but were really good. Nat seems to have a talent for cooking that may one day rival mom's!

I helped Oma solve some Social Security benefits confusion, and all seems to be in order in the new level of benefits she is now getting. She is now getting only about 62% of the benefits she got when Opa was alive. She'll have to budget more, but she can do it without dipping into her savings for everyday expenses.

I also helped her with Dutch socail security & pension problems, but Tante Wil had already done most of the hard work communicating with the Dutch government. I also helped her reduce some of her expenses that could be eliminated, so she could more easily live withiin her budget.

Nat gave exellent advice on getting DPOAs to all Oma's important places: banks, gov agencies, hospitals, doctors, etc.

Also went to Catholic mass early Sunday morning. Oma so loves the feeling of being close to God when she is there. The music and prayers help her to feel that God knows her, and that gives her comfort & strength. I admire that desire she has.

Nat & I spent a lot of time sitting with Oma in her home just talking. She shares so much more about herself and her feelings and fears and hopes than she ever did before. I love getting to know her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I hope i allow my kids also to know me that way. I'm making it a personal goal. I learned a lot more about my dad...things I never knew or suspected. Nothing really bad, but made me realize how much he created an image for the outside world & family to see. And how private and lonely he must have been, even when surrounded by loved family & friends. Lot to think about there. Wonder how much I am like him in that way.

Lot more to talk & think about....not important, just part of being an Onken.

Oh, one thing I noticed. My dad often taught me that I was stronger or better than anger or fear makes me. This weekend Oma taught me to avoid and discard anger, not overcome it. More to think about.

Anyway, we left Sunday about 5:00pm, when boring Indo friends came to visit. Got home safe & sound after dropping Nat at her house, about 10:30pm.

glad to be back. Miss Oma already, only because I know she needs support. But I know she'll turn to prayer more often, and receive more support than I can give her. That's the way it should be.

Love to each of you,
natrockinquitiebisimodeb

Hey gang

I have like 40 mins until my next class (sculpture) starts, so I'm at the library on the computers. The library here at SMC is really nice. I have my mobius strip at my feet, searching the internet for "how to emboss sheet metal". Not having much luck - looks like most embossing is done with thin sheets of metal. Embossing is like when you take a coin and press aluminum foil on it to get the image onto the foil. I want to emboss the phrase "from the beginning to the end" along the face of the mobius strip. I looked at gold/silver/copper leaves to press onto it (even spray painting the metallic paint onto the metal using patterns), but I really like the idea of embossing. Now, just to figure out how to do it. Perhaps my professor will have some good suggestions.

I'm stoked about my CSULB news. FINALLY get in to that place.

Jamie's been in Lake Havasu with her family since Friday night, and comes home tomorrow (Tuesday) night. I feel like a wuss but I really miss her.

Church was really good. The mission president spoke about cool Woodrow Wilson missionary stories, which reminded me of my mission, of course (not that I was any Woodrow Wilson, though). We're planning a campout for the YM from the 29th to the 30th of April. I'm really excited about this, but nervous because it doesn't look like many leaders will be able to make it. I should talk to the bishopric and see if any of them can come. We have like 15 boys who are really excited to go, too (by the way, like 5 of my boys play Magic! hahaha).

Love you guys.
Nick

Sunday Night!

It was a long weekend without Dad here. He and Natalie had a quick trip to Vegas to spend some time with Oma. I tried to get some studying done without much success. I have made quite a bit of progress on Chelsea's storyquilt. I expect to have it finished within the next week. Last night Skyler and I went to dinner with Grandma at Cisco's. I'm never going to lose any weight if people keep feeding me! Church was okay. The high council speaker was terrible but I enjoyed the kids as usual. Tomorrow I will have to really focus on school work to catch up with the stuff I didn't get done on Saturday. It's good to have Dad back home and I think it was fun for him and Natalie to hang out.