Father's Day

So do you think it's really lame that I enjoy reading my new friend Kacy's blog? I mean how weird is it that I am so entertained by this woman's on line journal that I try to learn more about her and think of her as my new friend? Pretty weird, I know. But in the midst of my jumping around on various links as I follow her recent adventures (she's just returned from girl's camp and I think her birthday was yesterday) I found this very funny thing which must be someone Kacy knows; all I know is that I laughed out loud and I highly recommend it. But don't have milk in your mouth when you start to watch. You don't want to have that come out of your nose or spray all over the keyboard. Yuck.

Today is Father's Day. As I read a few essays in the paper this morning I am struck once again by the realization of how much I really like men - and I mean that in the best of ways. One of the essays talked about men becoming irrelevant or marginalized because of their brutish ways. I don't see that at all. Men are just wonderful the way they are and my particular man, Martin, is a perfect case in point. So here's a short and not at all comprehensive list of the things I love about men and why the one I picked for my own and to be the father of my children is so wonderful:

1. Men are strong. If that sounds politically incorrect and a sell out of my liberated female self, well so be it. I love that men can do things physically that I cannot do. They do physical things that I don't WANT to do. Like change a tire, or take out the trash or open hard to open bottles, or move heavy things. It makes me feel secure and protected in some odd way. And while I could (and do) do many of those things as necessary, it's a nice feeling when a man does them for you.

2. Men are helpless. I know that sounds completely contradictory to the above statement but it's really about the particular ways in which they are helpless. For instance, men rarely can find anything without assistance, even things that are right in front of their noses. At times this can be an irritating trait, but often it is amusing and endearing. It reminds me of a story told by Marlo Thomas about her then cross-country marriage to Phil Donahue. She said it would drive her crazy that Phil would call her to ask her where his blue socks were, but it made her even crazier that she knew just where they were. Or how about Dad's total inability to distinguish colors? Just this morning before he went to his bishopric meeting he asked me if his tie matched his suit pants (it did) and then I had to point out to his that his butt was covered with Punkin fur. These are small things and I have to admit that if Dad were as helpless as I hear some men are, it might not be so endearing, but overall it helps me feel like the two of us are part of a team. He does some stuff, I do other stuff - like make sure he doesn't have fur on his butt.

3. Men are simple. As in not complicated. They have a very direct way of looking at things. It's not that I always agree with the man's take on life because they do miss the nuances and the underlying issues or messages, but frankly that's not always a bad thing. They can cut through the you-know-what and get straight at a thing without the emotional anguish and uncertainty that comes with feminine intuition and sensitivity. And having raised two of each of the sexes I have a real appreciation for that straightforward lack of drama that comes with the Y chromosome.

4. Men are problem solvers. Once I figured that out about men, married life got a lot easier. I had to learn that men are not mind readers and are not likely to intuit what you want and need. But if you put it to them plainly, they really do want to make you happy. They like a task, they equate themselves to the task, it's what they "do". I also learned that if you do not want them to solve your problems, you have to tell them that: "Honey, just listen, do not try to fix it." In that way you give them a task (listening) that they can apply themselves to and you don't get angry when they use their uncomplicated, simple approach (see point 3 above) to try and fix what you don't want them to fix (because it's so complicated!)

5. Men know weird but useful stuff. I'm not saying that knowing all these sports statistics is useful. But I like that men know things about electricity or cars or algebra or physics. Now I realize that these may be things that are particular to my man. I'm certain that there are many men out there that know far less about these kinds of things than their women do. But then I'm sure that their women picked them for whatever weird but useful stuff they DO know.

Which I guess brings me to the bottom line . . . thank goodness men are not like women; thank goodness that we're like two halves of a whole and are able to balance each other out most of the time.

And especially I am grateful for my husband who is kind and patient and generous to me and to his children, who never hesitated to change a diaper or rock a sick child and who actively and lovingly parented his children through the years and still does.

Honey, you're the BEST of men and I'm glad you're mine.